have i lost my latin flavor?

January 29, 2007

my grandmother has been here for two and a half weeks. when we discussed her visit, i was desperate for help and kind of losing it by myself with two tiny babies all day long. even though my mom warned me that she was old, losing her mind, and not as spry as she used to be, i really needed an extra pair of hands and a warm bosom to help me hold these babies. i also felt that this would perhaps be my last long stretch of quality time with her, and that i would be glad to have her here regardless of her age (and the fact that she speaks no English despite having lived in the US for 30 years). and, although i am happy to see her and will even gaze fondly at her as she snores in the armchair with a baby in her arms, i have to be honest and say that SHE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! she leaves on wednesday and, although i am not looking forward to being alone again, i can't wait to have my house to myself again.

i've never felt as white as i've felt the last few weeks. i am disgusted and annoyed at the ridiculousness of the telenovelas that have replaced the chatter of npr from my kitchen radio. women in mini skirts and tube tops shake their asses and play dumb on almost every single show she watches. then there's the day time talk shows that make jerry springer look like it belongs on pbs. has spanish tv always been this trashy, or have i lost my sense of humor?

and at what point does her experience trump my maternal instincts? why does it make me so mad when she suggests that emmanuel's crying might be a belly ache, or that isa's probably cold and needs a sweater? i can't figure out why it irritates me so bad, but it drives me absolutely nuts! his belly does NOT hurt, he's just being a brat. and she's not cold, YOU are. you go put on a sweater and leave her alone! am i reacting to what i perceive as an alarmist attitude, or am i just annoyed that she thinks she knows what's wrong better than i do? i hope i'm not that ridiculous, but i might be. in any case, i have to watch myself and roll my eyes behind her back because i am trying REALLY hard not to hurt her feelings.

i love my grandmother. i want us both to feel like we shared a special time together. but i'm no good at the contrived "quality time" and time is running out.... as much as i'm looking forward to peace and quiet again, i'm also a little sad that her visit wasn't the hallmark moment i wanted it to be.