(not so) dry run

October 18, 2006

last night, at approximately 9:30pm, i was convinced that i had either peed myself or that my waters had broken. after phone calls to the midwife, my mother, and the OB (in that order), it was suggested that i head on to the hospital as i was more than likely in labor.

jeremy and i scrambled throughout the house, packing up toothpaste and cell phone chargers and other last minute items. meanwhile, the doggies followed us from room to room and looked at us with apprehension and confusion as we solemnly said goodbye to them and asked them to be good in our absence.

once we got to the hospital and i was admitted to a labor and delivery room, i totally lost my cool. i sobbed like a child when the nurse asked me to change into the buttless hospital outfit and climb into bed for my exam. i stumbled over questions such as, "how many years of school have you completed?" and "have you drank any alcohol during your pregnancy?". when asked about any surgeries or reactions to anesthesia, i totally forgot to mention that i WOKE UP in the middle of a heinous oral surgery procedure two years ago because i was given an insufficient dose. somehow, that seems like an important detail to share with the people that are about to slice my stomach open and extract two babies. i DEFINITELY want to make sure that the dosage is sufficient on that one.

while nurse A continues to ask me about a bazillion questions, nurse B is getting lubed up and ready for my physical exam.....

(an aside-- let me tell you something about being pregnant: EVERYONE and their MOTHER gets to put on some gloves, squirt them with lube, and jab their fingers deep into your vagina on a very regular basis. wanna talk about my sex drive? i don't think i'll feel comfortable unless jeremy dons some gloves before getting intimate in the future.)

...with speculum in place and her face between my legs, she asks me to take a deep breath and cough. then she scrapes some samples onto a slide. and, finally, she dips her litmus paper deep into my vagina to determine the nature of the wetness. if it is determined that it is in fact amniotic fluid, i will be scheduled for a c-section in the morning because emmanuel is still a footling breech, having kicked his sister's head out of my canal a few weeks ago. if the tests come back negative, i will be free to go.

a few minutes later, it is determined that it is NOT amniotic fluid and that the source of my wetness is the BABIES pushing on my BLADDER (yeah, gross). basically, i am involuntarily peeing all over myself and can't do anything to stop it except lie on my side to try to get them off my bladder. awesome. yet another exciting development in the progression of the never-ending pregnancy.

so we came back home to two very excited doggies and enjoyed another restless night without babies.
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