June 9, 2008
Please pay close attention to what I am about to tell you.
(1) Make sure that you are absolutely, 100% done with nursing before you embark on this adventure. I thought I was 100% done, and now I wish so bad that I could just nurse them one time, just one tiny time, a day. And maybe for just like 5 minutes. But to do that would be cruel and confusing to everyone, so I guess we're done.
(2) Wean GRADUALLY. LLL suggests eliminating one feeding for 3 or 4 days, and then another, and then another. Otherwise, you will end up with lumpy, painful, leaky boulders like me. I imagine it's almost like getting a boob job.
(3) Don't hang out with anyone who is (a) nursing, or (b) having lots of fun. It will depress you.
(4) Ignore all the uppity AP types that you run into at the local co-op, who will cock their heads to one side and say, "Ohhh! You weaned already? Are they even 2 yet?".
(5) Force your wriggly kid(s) to sit in your lap while you rock him/her and sing them songs they're not listening to to "wind them down" for bedtime.
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